Cloud Chamber Writing Test
- alexiecwrites
- Nov 10, 2022
- 8 min read
Updated: Jun 8, 2025
This was the Cloud Chamber Writing Test submission I had written for a game writing course. It was my first introduction to the BioShock franchise and its worldbuilding. Besides the original projects I've worked on, I would consider this one of my favorite assignments in terms of how much I learned about the narrative vertical slice.
In addition to the general creative process, it was fun attempting to tailor character personalities and backstory into a much grittier, darker, and larger world that I was initially very unfamiliar with. This assignment also taught me the basics of script writing, and I continued to apply what I learned towards other projects.
In the post below, you'll find a slightly edited version of my original submission. I touched up some parts of the script that I was unhappy with and tried to incorporate more showing rather than telling. However, the rest remains the same. You can also find the download to the original here, if you're so inclined.
EXT. DILAPIDATED FACTORY ALLEYWAY - NIGHT
A PACK OF RATS sniff the air curiously. They freeze in place. There are FOOTSTEPS. At the sound, they scurry into a crack in the wall.
GREGORY is 38, gaunt, with heavy eyebags under his eyes. His mousy brown hair is unkempt, while his clothes are completely disheveled. There is a certain jitteriness to his gait as he walks into the ALLEY. He glances over his shoulder. Behind him is a man.
The man, MARK, is 39 and a tall, well-built gentleman wearing a faded, vintage tailored suit. He is clean shaven with closely cropped black hair. He follows after Gregory with heavy thumps.
They come to a stop beneath a crooked awning barely hanging onto the rusted steel shafts. The shadows deepen the scowl on Mark's face.
MARK
(hushed, irritated)
What is it? I told you I never wanted to see you again.
Mark folds his arms across his chest. Gregory remains silent and fidgets in place.
MARK (CONT’D)
(voice raising)
Spit it out already. If I had known it
was you, I would’ve never--
Gregory slaps a hand over Mark’s mouth.
GREGORY
I’m sorry! Please, keep it down. They
can’t know I’m here.
Mark yanks Gregory’s hand away.
MARK
Oh, for fuck’s sake. Who, Greg? Who scares you so fucking shitless that you dragged your sorry ass back here?
GREGORY
I can’t tell you that.
Mark rolls his eyes.
GREGORY (CONT’D)
I honestly can’t tell you.
(beat)
You gotta believe me. I’m in some
deep shit, and I know you hate my
guts, but...
(beat)
I need your help. I want things to be
different. Now, I can set things right
after... you know, Susan--
Mark slugs a fist across Gregory’s face, and the shorter man stumbles back.
MARK
Keep my wife’s name out of your
filthy mouth, you bastard.
GREGORY
(stupefied)
Ow! Hey man, what the hell...
Gregory wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. There is blood. His lip is busted.
Mark leans in with a menacing expression twisted on his face. He shoves the man by the shoulder. Gregory hits the wall with a thud.
MARK
You know damn well what you did.
She was sick, and I stood there like a
fucking idiot as you fed her your
stupid fantasies. She was so addicted
she didn’t remember who she was.
Mark heaves a shaky breath. His whole body is trembling. His shoulders are tense up to his ears. He takes a small step back, not looking at Gregory.
MARK (CONT’D)
Susan was everything to me. I knew
that she would hate to see the thing
she became, so I had to put her
down. And where were you? Gone
without a trace.
(beat)
You had three years. Don’t spout your
sappy friendship bullshit just because
you need something from me now.
Mark waves his left hand holding up three fingers to Gregory's face for emphasis. His right hand is balled up tightly in a fist by his side.
Gregory wilts. He slumps with his back against the wall and makes himself as small as possible. His brows as furrowed. Shame mars his face. He takes a single, heavy, self-defeated breath.
GREGORY
You can hate me all you want. I know
I deserve it.
Gregory straightens up. He places his hand on Mark's shoulder, signaling for space. He uses his other hand to nurse the growing bruise on his jaw.
Mark obliges, backing up so the two are now in the middle of the alley.
GREGORY (CONT’D)
I didn’t come here to be friends
again, but I needed to tell you--
(beat)
Actually, it might be better to just
show you.
Gregory pulls out a VIAL of ADAM from his coat pocket, giving it a shake. The murky, red substance sloshing around reminds Mark of blood.
GREGORY (CONT’D)
Risked my neck for this. I figured
there’s nothing better for the people
than messing with the big shots
directly.
(beat)
I’ve been doing this for a few months;
running around, messing with
supplies, nearly dying in the process.
(chuckle)
MARK
You-- You crazy bastard. Are you
fucking insane? You know what that
shit does. Why--
Gregory pockets the vial away from prying eyes.
GREGORY
Weird things have been happening,
Mark. You might try to ignore it for
now, but it’s obvious.
(beat)
People are disappearing and coming
back changed. Different. It’s hard to
explain. But this and the cult symbols
tell me that something fishy is going
on here, and I wanna get to the
bottom of it.
(beat)
I don’t want to make the same
mistakes.
MARK
(scoffs)
You’re fucking stupid.
Gregory chuckles weakly. His hands remain in his pockets.
GREGORY
I had a feeling that’d be your reaction.
MARK
(heavy sarcasm)
And what is the point of this, huh? Do
you want sympathy points? A pat on
the back? A gold star, maybe?
(beat)
What the hell could you possibly
expect me to do with this information?
GREGORY
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
(beat)
I’ve spent those past three years
torturing myself over what happened
to Susan. There was never a day
where I didn’t wish things could’ve
been different.
(beat)
This is my chance to make things right
and prevent further accidents. I
wanted to tell you, in case... well, in
case I don’t come back, I guess. Think
of this as an apology, and a goodbye,
of sorts.
MARK
You really--
Mark shuts his mouth abruptly. He opens it once and closes it again. No words come out. He glares hard at Gregory instead.
Gregory shrinks again under Mark's heavy gaze. He shuffles his feet in place. His coat flaps in the silence when he rocks his arms back and forth.
A moment passes before Mark breaths in heavily and pinches the bridge of his nose with his fingers.
MARK (CONT'D)
(begrudgingly)
... Susan wouldn't want this for you.
Mark's face is a complex mixture of emotions. It's near impossible to gauge what he's thinking, but there is a flicker of something resembling concern for Gregory in his eyes.
GREGORY
(chuckles)
Just watch, I’ll be back before you
know it.
Gregory removes his hands from his pockets. He reaches over to clap Mark on the shoulder for old time's sake but reconsiders. He withdraws slightly and settles on an awkward wave instead. A sheepish smile graces his face.
GREGORY (CONT'D)
Well, I should go now. Shouldn’t stay
in the same place for too long, you
know.
(beat)
Take care of yourself, Mark.
Gregory leaves without turning back. Once he’s out of earshot:
MARK
You better not die out there, Greg.
Mark watches on with a conflicted expression on his face.
END SCENE.
What three words would you choose to describe the tone of the BioShock Franchise?
Dystopian
Ambiguous
Introspective
Choose one of the characters below and write a one-page bio for them.
NAME
Mathilda Henderson
AGE
Early 20s
GENDER
Female
RACE
Human, Splicer
AFFILIATION
Rapture Central Council (through parents)
BIOGRAPHY
Mathilda is the daughter of a rich businessman, who is an important figure within the Rapture Central Council, and famous model. She is a snobbish and vain young lady that never had friends growing up because she didn’t believe that anyone would be considered good enough to play with her.
Due to her family’s fortune, Mathilda also believes that there is not a problem in the world money can’t solve. She frequently goes on shopping splurges with little regard for her parents’ money. In reality, she is a pitiful person who was constantly neglected by her parents–both of whom were too busy with their own problems to properly raise a child.
When things don’t go her way, she’s prone to meltdowns and whining. Her addiction to Plasmids brings out the worst of her character, and she becomes desperate and aggravated when she doesn’t get what she wants.
Her mother is her greatest role model, and as a result, she firmly believes that beauty is the ultimate form of power and would do anything to obtain absolute perfection–even through the usage of Plasmids. At first, they worked wonderfully. Each day, Mathilda felt more beautiful than the last. However, the side effects crept in one after another. First, it was the rashes; then, the occasional loose tooth; and finally, the hair loss. Even if she wanted to stop, she couldn’t.
Her memory gradually grew foggier each time. The Mathilda now is merely a shell of her former self, with all traces of her memories mostly gone except for her unshakable goal to find the next dosage of Plasmids. Her desperate search for true beauty leaves her wandering through the streets of Rapture, and although she’s missing, her parents have yet to notice.
Write five splicer barks for the following triggers:
Patrolling (self-talk)
Idling (self-talk)
Player spotted
Is covered in bees
Splicer hurts player
Splicer ally killed
Player killed
Tip: Identify a core fantasy for the character – the thing they came to Rapture to achieve (i.e. starting a family or cornering the market in a certain business endeavor). Then imagine how Adam has perverted that fantasy. Pepper that fantasy through the barks.
PATROLLING (SELF-TALK)
Hmph, this is kinda boring…
Hmm… I spy with my little eye… a person! Haha, that was fun!
Oh~ I wonder if I can find any potential clients.
How dullll. Where’s the drama! The action! I’m bored over here!
Aha! Oh, wait. I must have been mistaken, sorry!
IDLING (SELF-TALK)
Hmm~ Hmm~ What to do today, what to do~
Hey mister! Yeah, you over there! *blows kiss* Wanna have some fun?
Am I pretty enough today? No one seems to be paying attention to me…
Roses are red, violets are blue… I love me the most, and so do you!
The star of Siren Alley is here!
PLAYER SPOTTED
Hey, handsome!
Why don’t we play for a bit?
Come give me a kiss!
I’m coming for you!
Playing hard to get are we?
IS COVERED IN BEES
Nooo, not my face please!
Help!
Save me!
That hurts, please stop!
No, no, no, NO! Go away!
SPLICER HURTS PLAYER
I’ll kiss it better!
You can handle this much, right?
Don’t touch me, you creep!
Hands off!
That’s more than you can afford!
SPLICER ALLY KILLED
Oh, you’re going to pay for that!
Hey, that’s cheating!
C’mon babe, are you making ME do all the work?!
Um, hellooo? A little help here?!
Is someone going to give me a hand? No?
PLAYER KILLED
Oops! Looks like I played a little too rough…
Sorry babe! Trust me, you look much better this way.
Oh, that’s got to hurt.
Better you, than me!
That’s what you get for messing with me!
Imagine the Art Team are creating signs for several stores in Rapture and need you to provide their names. Pitch up to two ideas for each of the store types listed below:
Jewelry store
Home appliance store
Random (i.e. your choice)
JEWELRY STORE
Mermaid’s Tears
Pandora’s Trinket Box
HOME APPLIANCE STORE
Hephaestus’ Forge
Average Amenities
RESTAURANT
Hermes’ Dine n’ Dash
Taste of the Sea